


formed the bruises

by whitew0rms



Category: Polygon/McElroy Vlogs & Podcasts RPF
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 19:34:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14700756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitew0rms/pseuds/whitew0rms
Summary: They lie next to each other, staring up at the ceiling and again, Brian wants to touch Pat, wants to curl himself around him, wants to tell him he loves him, wants to eat him alive. But he can't do any of those things, all he can do is stare at the ceiling.





	formed the bruises

**Author's Note:**

> i listened to nothing but tiny vessels by death cab for cutie for half an hour and it was a bad idea dont be like me kids

It's a stupid thing to do, Brian knows it. He knows he's being stupid, knows he shouldn't let Pat slip his hand in Brian's back pocket, knows he shouldn't let Pat take him home, let Pat kiss him, let him bite marks that bloom pink and purple against Brian's skin, let Pat fuck him in his bed. He does it anyway, kisses Pat with a bite, moans in Pat's bed, and sleeps curled around him. It doesn't mean anything really, it's just something fun between them.

When Brian wakes up in the morning, Pat's always curled away from him, and Brian always feels strangely cold.

The thing about Pat is that Brian likes him way more than he should, way more than he's liked anyone in years. He likes how Pat laughs at his jokes, the way he brushes his hair out of his face, the way Brian gets to watch his long fingers light against his dark hair. He likes most things about Pat really. He's funny, and handsome, and kind to Brian, and he seems to like Brian too, invites him to drinks with Simone after work, and spreads his palm against Brian's thigh under the table, palms Brian through his jeans until Brian has to run to the bathroom, and then Pat blows him in the cubicle, and Brian sweats under the fluorescent lighting, bites down on his arm so they don't get kicked out for noise. And afterwards, after Brian blows Pat in return and swallows the evidence, Brian sits next to him at the bar and tries not to think how Pat was inside him a minute ago.

When they're fucking it's easy, or easier. They've got good chemistry, work well together, and Pat knows how to take Brian apart, knows how to reduce him to a shaking mess, and Brian doesn't know how to say no anymore, just wants to take until there's nothing left. He wants Pat to think about him constantly, wants to be the primary occupant of his head, his bed, his life.

G&G is a nightmare. Pat pushes him further every week, sits closer to him, feeds him cookies, touches him more and more and Brian holds back the urge to flinch. When Pat says holding each other for Shadow of the Colossus, Brian shakes but laughs through it, acts glib, pretends like he's not anxious and scared.

And Pat smirks when he feels Brian get hard against him, when he hears Brian's voice get higher pitched, when he deadlifts Brian and Brian feels his stomach swoop. It's a game to Pat and Brian wants to play along but they're not quite playing the same game really. Pat kisses him when they turn the camera off, runs his hands through Brian's hair, pulls him flush against his chest.

All the words in Brian's head have abandoned him, and he can only stammer. Pat laughs at him.

"You coming with me?" He says, smirk audible in his voice.

"Yes, sir" Brian says, to see Pat stiffen and flush. Pat turns on his heel and walks away, knowing without checking that Brian will follow him.

Brian follows.

They don't talk the journey to Pat's apartment, don't talk when Pat lets Brian in, gently kisses Charlie and leaves him in the kitchen, dragging Brian into his room and locking the door behind him.

Brian undresses quickly, and then they're standing in Pat's room just in boxers, and for the first time in the month they've been doing this, Brian wants to run, just a little bit.

Instead he walks towards Pat, kisses him, let's Pat spread him out against his sheets, kisses Pat's shoulder, his face, the white spot in his beard, lets Pat fuck between his thighs. It's good, and it's fun, and Brian cums hard against his own hand, and laughs afterwards and Pat laughs with him, and Brian knows these days are numbered but he wishes they were endless, or that he could bottle this moment and keep it forever perfectly preserved, just him and Pat fucked out and laughing in Pat's sheets.

Another night and it's long past midnight. Brian's sitting in Pat's kitchen, at the small breakfast bar, drinking the beer Pat gave him. Neither of them could sleep despite sex normally knocking Brian right out. Brian's watching Pat lean against the counter, in boxers and plain white shirt, clutching some shitty beer he'd normally pretend he was too good for. He brings the bottle to his lips and swallows, and Brian watches his throat work.

"I'm sorry" Pat says, breaking the silence, but not looking at Brian, instead looking at the tile floors of the kitchen. Brian just wants him to look at him.

"Sorry for what?" He says, because he needs to preserve his dignity somehow, needs to act like he doesn't know what Pat's talking about. Needs to pretend this meant something to the both of them, needs to pretend that he means something to Pat too. He needs to pretend Pat doesn't pity him.

"Nothing, I don't know what I meant," Pat finishes his beer and throws the can in the recycling. "Let's go to bed." Pat still won't look at Brian but it's okay.

The stool Brian is sitting on is cold against his thigh, and Brian can't stop thinking about the dried cum he can feel on his stomach. He wants to kiss Pat, or fuck him again, or tell him he loves him. He doesn't do any of those things. Instead, Brian finishes his beer silently, follows Pat to bed.

Pat's bed normally feels comforting, warm and cozy, but now it feels suffocating

They lie next to each other, staring up at the ceiling and again, Brian wants to touch Pat, wants to curl himself around him, wants to tell him he loves him, wants to eat him alive. But he can't do any of those things, all he can do is stare at the ceiling. Pat starts to snore softly, and Brian exhales slowly, lies on his side to watch Pat sleep. He looks a lot calmer when he sleeps.

Slowly, Brian falls asleep, and in the morning he wakes up before Pat and leaves quietly without saying goodbye.

They don't fuck again after that.

It didn't mean anything, not really. Brian didn't really mean anything.

**Author's Note:**

> find me at twitter at @thegribbening and be my friend. i'm cool i promise.


End file.
